It's one of those days again. Everything feels so wrong and I doubt every choice I made. I'm warning you. This is an emotional post. Don't read it if you can't handle it.
Ever since I can remember, I was always this quiet girl, always trying to be best at everything I try. I get easily bored, and I hated working hard when I think of the possibility that my hard work would be of no use whatsoever. I was never sure of myself, and it sucks when people think that doing good means trying to suck up to people. And, probably, because of that, I never knew how to express the way I feel towards people, cause everything feels so awkward when I try to be
honest about the way I feel. I never knew how to be friendly to people, but perhaps that's just an excuse to stop socializing.
That is so wrong.
I hated the old me, in other words, when I was in school. I also hated almost everyone that had anything to do with me back then. Cause remembering them just reminds me of who I was.
Now, that is also wrong. But I can't help it, and I can't justify why I hate them.
I made a fresh start when I went to matric. I tried to turn things around.
New hair, check. Positive attitude, check. Unlimited cuteness, check!
Naah...kidding about the last one. But I guess I succeeded in making friends, and I tried lots of new stuff. New friends, new way of learning, new handphone, tried having a bf, met old friends, and I became good friends with an old classmate that I rarely spoke to when we were classmates. C naz la bha tu. haha...
To conclude, I became friendlier than I ever was before. But still the silent type la..at the beginning. Always, when I hangout with friends and reminisce about the past, they would say almost the same thing....
"Dulu masa mula2 nampak c misa ni, diam sja dia, malu2 ja dia mo bcakap. Skarang suda kenal....huh..."
Yeah, they can't stand me. I wouldn't stop bullying them. haha... I luv them. Mish them. Feel sorry for them, for having a friend like me. Tough luck, people. lol
Now I'm in UMS, and this time, I realized that I would meet more people, so I tried opening up even more. I wouldn't say that I'm popular or anything, but at least I found a few sets of new friends. They're very nice people, and sometimes I feel like I'm taking advantage of their kindness without really meaning to. I feel so blessed and lucky to be able to meet these people and I can't seem to thank them enough.
There's no need to mention any names here. So if you think I'm talking about you, just give yourself a pat on the back, why dontcha? You've done well. hehe..
Yet, I have to say that I am still the same old awkward self, only with more friends. I guess that's just who I am.
I hope I'm doing okay with the progresses I made.
lol... This post actually looks funny when I read it again. punya emo... haha
